so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
