How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
