I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
