I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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