Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
