why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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