i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We left the knife in your bed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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