so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
