Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
