You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
