I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
