Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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