i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize