I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
