Your face is a jimmy john
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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