why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
