I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
