I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're a waste of cheezeits
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
