OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
