Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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