Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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