I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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