She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
