Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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