So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
