So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
