Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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