I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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