it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
