Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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