Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
