I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
