I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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