I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
