I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
