note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
