i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
