Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
