My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My penis needs a shock collar
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
