I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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