everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
