matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
