Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
