just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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