i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
