You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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