What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize