im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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