The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
