I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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