so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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