Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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