A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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