Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
