We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She even gives head with a lisp.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
