no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
