Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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