Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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