Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
