Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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