Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
