She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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