how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
