if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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