Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
