i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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