Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
