mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
