Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
cat food counts as protein by the way
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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