I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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