He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
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words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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