my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
