we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
