Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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