They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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