Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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