god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Still dying that you shit outside
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
