super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
