dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
