i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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