I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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