He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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