Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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