i'm signing you up for texting rehab
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
