SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
